TMI Questions: POTTY HUMOR

This is a meme that is near and dear to my heart and loved by my butt! Since my colon cancer surgery 4.5 years I’ve become a toilet paper and restroom aficionado.

1. Toilet Paper - over or under? Has to be over. I will reset the roll if I find it under.

2. Who replaces the empty roll in your house? Me, myself and I. I also make sure we have plenty of rolls on stock in all bathrooms. There are also spare rolls in the car trunk, garage shelves and my man-bag I carry around.

3. What do you use if you run out of toilet paper at home? This almost never happens but if it does, tissues or flushable moist wipes.

4. Seat up or down? It use to be seat up but since my unpleasant surgery, it is mostly seat down these days.

5. Do you leave the door open? No, door should always be closed. Not everything has to be shared in a relationship. We already talk incessantly about my bathroom habits ever since my colorectal surgery.

6. Does your love leave it open? No. The only appropriate exception to this is peeing. Urinating with another man present is a male birthright. Most men have done that since they were young boys.

7. Do you wait until you are alone in a public restroom? No, don’t have that luxury.

< rant > Men are insensitive, careless, filthy pigs in public bathrooms. Since I have to poop all the time and standing and peeing at a urinal often triggers a need to poop, I use the stall. Pee-shy guys drive me nuts because they tie up the stall I need to use and even worse just let loose with a stream of urine all over the place. Just because they are in a Men’s room devoid of women, they can disregard everything their mothers/wives/girlfriends taught them: “Put up the god damn seat and aim before you shoot.”< /rant >

8. Do you always check for toilet paper first in a public stall? Of course. I also usually test the toilet to see if it will flush properly. And I always check where the nearest bathroom is when I enter a public space, restaurant, hotel, mall or store. I am always surprised how often a fancy restaurant has a dumpy or dirty toilet.

9. What do you use if you run out of toilet paper in a public restroom? Tissues, seat covers, paper towels or napkins.

BONUS

Sex in a public restroom? I have seen it supposedly done in a porn video. Does that count? Otherwise, it would have to be a really classy restroom with a lockable door.